On the Search for a New Yoga Dog

This past June, my family had to say goodbye to our family dog, our source of entertainment, endless cuddles, and our seemingly bottomless pit of love.  He was my yoga dog, my companion throughout my days in both fitness and leisure, and he was just short of total perfection in an animal.  His death was too soon and too painful, both for him and for us, and everyone in the family, myself included, knows that there will never be another Oliver on the planet.

But, as is typical after the loss of a pet, after the initial pain begins to subside, and you stop tearing up at the mere thought of your furry friend, and after you've stopped thinking you see him every time you turn a corner in your house, you begin to feel that nag.  That familiar pang of wanting to welcome a new member to the family.  Dog people know what I am talking about, cat people know what I talking about.  You know you can't replace or substitute that ideal animal that you've been forced to say goodbye to, but you know that you have room in your heart and your home for a new soul to squeeze.

Saturday afternoon, my husband and I took a trip to the county animal shelter to look at dogs.  We weren't adopting that day, and we knew it, but we wanted to see what kind of pups were available.  I am a rabid (pardon the pun) advocate of rescuing animals, and for $30 at my local animal shelter, I can adopt a dog or a puppy who has been vaccinated, fixed, registered, and microchipped.  You can't beat that deal for a decade of love and companionship.

While at the shelter, we (of course) zeroed in on a precious little Boxer mix puppy named Panda.  She was spritely and energetic, but not overtly so (at least at the time), and seemed to zero in on us as well.  As the shelter was getting ready to close for the day, we only had about 10 minutes with her, inside her dog run.  We both took to her, and talked about her for the last few days.  We told the kids all about her, and decided that I would take a trip to the shelter this morning and begin the adoption process.

When I got there, I filled out the paperwork and asked to have some play time with Panda, outside of her dog run.  I got a leash, went to her run, and my hear sank immediately.  Not because she was gone, and not because something happened, but because when I looked at her, she wasn't Oliver.  I knew at that moment that she was not the dog for us.

Things devolved quickly when she wouldn't let me pick her up.  I managed to get her to the play area, and she was about a lightyear passed crazy.  She never zeroed in on me like she had on Saturday, and she never stopped jumping and barking.  There was no yoga dog in her, she was too fiery and too spunky to even let me rub her belly.  I knew I wouldn't be taking her home with me.

The ride home was filled with disappointment.  I am disappointed that I didn't feel THAT connection with this beautiful and spritely puppy.  I am disappointed that I still compare every single dog to my Oliver.  I am disappointed that I had to say goodbye to my yoga dog, and that I can't seem to move on.

More time is needed, obviously.  I still have not accepted Oliver's death fully, and it would be cruel to try to bring home a new dog with me wearing that attitude.  No pet deserves the pressure of having to live up to that, and the inevitability that s/he will fall miserably short of the mark.  

So, I will let another month or two go by.  Another month of that palpable absence of a pet in our home.  Another month of my daughter asking when we are going to get a new dog.  Another month of doing yoga without a companion.

The time will be right when it's right.  A new yoga dog will make his or her presence known, and it will be undeniable when it happens.

Looking Ahead

It has been a month since my big race, the glow has faded somewhat, and reality has set in.  The grind of daily life has ramped up, and I have found myself struggling to figure out how I was able to fit 9-10 hours of training in each week for 4 months amid all of the chaos swirling around me.  From my current vantage point, it seems impossible to undertake such an ambitious goal as I did, and it makes me feel tremendous mommy guilt.  A natural feeling, I suppose.

The best thing I can do for my family and myself is to keep pushing forward.  In the three years since I began running and racing, I have changed in such a fundamental way and it has been all for the better.  Sure, I have lost weight from my thighs, my arms, my tummy.  Even more important, though, has been the weight that has been lifted from the places that nobody can see.  I am physically and mentally stronger than I have ever been in my life, and I see no options other than to keep moving forward and to keep getting stronger.

I am ready to race again, but I know that my body needs a break.  I've been swimming and running (still not ready to hop back on the bike), working out about 4 times a week.  Core training and yoga are creeping their way back in to my routine, and all I can say about that is YOWCH! Take my advice, don't stop working on your core for 11 months. 

I have outlined very specific fitness and racing goals for 2014, and none of them involve a Half or a Full Ironman race.  Those days will come again in the not-too-distant future, I just need to have the time and energy to devote to those huge physical and mental undertakings. But, for now, I am looking to get faster, to improve and even perfect to a degree my short distance racing because, as slow as my time was at IM 70.3 Augusta, I really feel like my body and temperament are more cut out for long distance racing.  So, my challenge for 2014 is to conquer the short distances, and to feel fast.  And maybe see a podium finish here and there.


2014 Fitness Goals

1. To run a 25 minute 5k. That's an 8:02 min/mile pace, folks. Not exactly Usain Bolt territory, but lightning fast in my mind.

2. To run a 53 minute 10k. An 8:31 pace.  For me, that's equivalent to breaking the sound barrier.

3. A sub-3 hour Olympic triathlon. I'm planning on racing at St. Anthony's next April, which is where I did my first Olympic distance. It didn't turn out so well for me, I died on the run. Training for the race might have helped.  This time around, I plan on training long and hard. 2:59:59 is fine with me.

4. A podium finish in a Sprint triathlon. I won my age group once at a sprint triathlon.  It was beginner's luck, and all of the fast people were obviously racing elsewhere that day.  This time, I want to RACE and I want to EARN that podium spot honestly.

5. To get stronger on the bike. This is a bit ambiguous, but being that I am consistently at the bottom of the list in the bike department, I have nowhere to go but UP!  Strength training and long rides will be on the agenda in the coming year.

6. To join a Master's swim team. This is a big one. I have the opportunity, I have the means, now I just have to work up the courage to submit myself to a coach for the first time in a really long time.  I just hope she goes easy on me.  Well, not too easy.  Otherwise, what's the point?

I would love to hear some of your fitness goals!  None are too small and all are big!

NaBloPoMo - The experiment

It just came to my attention that it is National Blog Posting Month.  Bloggers everywhere vow to post one post per day for the entire month.  For someone like me, a "blogger" who is lucky to get 3 posts in an entire month, it seems like a pretty big task.  But I am going to give it a shot.  It has been my intention to devote more time to this little spot on the Internet, and NaBloPoMo seems like the perfect challenge and the right time.

I am already three days behind in this little experiment, so I might just write up an extra post today (and tomorrow and the next day) to get up to speed.  I've got ideas, I've got plans, and I just hope I can find the words!

So, if you'll excuse this short and sweet post, stay tuned! More to come in my quest to find an audience and to exorcize the voices in my head!